


The worst thing that ever happened to me...

by ShyVioletCat



Series: The worst thing that ever happened to me... [1]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Lorcan is a right prick, Lots of Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22359649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyVioletCat/pseuds/ShyVioletCat
Summary: Tumblr prompt: “You, you are the worst thing that has ever happened to me.” mmm, i think it’d just be so beautiful to have him say this to her, don’t you?? elorcan, as always, my love………….. Please don’t hate me. What am I to do when my friends ask for angst? Who am I to deny them?
Relationships: Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre, Elorcan - Relationship
Series: The worst thing that ever happened to me... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609552
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

Elide was asleep beside him, her breathing deep and even, telling Lorcan she was truly asleep. He ran a hand down her side, a soothing gesture that had her nestling further into him, her hand coming to rest on his bare chest. He hadn’t planned on making love to her tonight, the opposite actually. But she had rained soft, sweet kisses on him, which turned needy and desperate, and he fell under her spell. Utterly bewitched by her, unable to resist what she did to him, what she made him feel. All it did was twist the knife in his chest. It made this harder than it should be.

Because he was leaving. He was letting this go.

Lorcan looked down at the beautiful woman in his arms, she was perfect. Every inch of her was perfect, but in all honesty she was too perfect for him. With his tainted soul Lorcan wasn’t enough fo her, he never would be. They had no future together, if she stayed with him he would ruin her future, her life. He didn’t want to do that to her.

“Elide, I love you,” Lorcan whispered. “I love everything about you. You’re smile, the way your nose scrunches when you’re trying not to laugh, the way you can cut anyone down with just your words. The first time I saw your face I felt time stand still, you were laughing at something and I saw you there and I don’t know what to with myself. You,” Lorcan swallowed against the tightness building in his throat, “you are the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

Lorcan tucked a strand of soft dark hair behind Elide’s ear, his knuckles brushing along her cheekbone.

“Not because you’ve made my life worse. It’s the opposite. You taught me to care and love and moulded me into the best version of myself. You are the worst thing to happen to me because I know it won’t last, one day you’ll wake up and realise I am not the man you made, the heartless bastard with be there and you will hope and pray that the me you love will reappear. He won’t Elide, it’s just a matter of time before that dark well inside me swallows him whole. You gave me the hope that I could change. That’s why Elide, that’s why you’re utterly perfect self is the worst thing to happen to me. So I will leave you now, before I break you completely. I know I am a coward for telling you while you sleep, but I just needed to say the words to you even…”

Lorcan couldn’t finish what he was saying. He’d said enough, and it was time for him to let Elide go. He pressed the lightest of kisses to Elide’s lips and took one last lingering look at her peaceful face, then he slipped from the bed. He dressed and picked up his duffel bag, pulling the letter from the front pocket. That he left on the kitchen counter, along with his set of keys to her apartment. Lorcan didn’t look around as he walked to the front door, he kept his eyes on his boots. As he closed the door behind him the click of it echoed with a damning finality in his ears.

~~~~~

Elide woke to a cold bed.

Wrapping the sheet around her she expected to find Lorcan in kitchen, making breakfast she hoped. Instead the kitchen was empty, no sign of him.

“Lor,” she called. There was no sound of movement from the bathroom or anywhere else in the apartment. That was when Elide saw something on the counter. She walked over, confusion rising when she saw his keys next to a slip of paper folded over. It had her name on it so Elide picked it up and read it. It was so short but the point was clear.

_I’m letting you go Elide. Let me go too. Find happiness and forget about me. You deserve so much more._

Elide dropped the note and ran for the bedroom. She dialled Lorcan and just about screamed when the automated voice informed her that his number was disconnected. So she called Rowan, hoping by some miracle he understood what was happening.

“Hello,” Rowan said.

“Hi. Do you know where Lorcan is?”

“No, I don’t. Why?” Rowan asked.

Elide couldn’t answer for a few heartbeats. “He’s left me, Rowan.”

“What?” Rowan said, shock and surprise ringing in that one word.

“What is it?” Elide heard Aelin ask from wherever she and Rowan were.

“Lorcan’s gone,” Rowan said to Aelin.

There was a shuffling noise then Aelin’s voice was clear and she asked Elide directly, “What do you mean he’s gone.”

“There’s a note. It says he’s letting me go and I should,” Elide couldn’t help the sobbed that escaped her lips. “He said I should let him go too.”

“I’m coming over right now, El. I won’t be long. I’m walking out the door right now,” Aelin said.

“Okay,” Elide said and hung up.

She shuffled back to the bedroom, and sat on the edge of the bed. From her bedside table she pulled out the present she had planned to give Lorcan this morning. Something had told her to do it last night, but then she had lost herself in him and fell asleep before she remember. She ran her hands over the laces on the tiny sneakers that were a perfect match to Lorcan’s own favourite shoes and let her tears fall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elide races to find Lorcan to tell him what he doesn't know in the hopes it can make things better.

Elide managed to get herself dressed Before Aelin arrived, putting the tiny shoes back into the drawer of her bedside table. Elide hadn’t known what else to do but wait.

“Elide?” Aelin called as she came though the front door. Elide was still sitting on the bed but she went out to meet Aelin. “What happened?”

Elide shrugged. “Just what I told you on the phone. He was gone when I woke and the note said for me to let him go.”

A look of pure fury came over Aelin’s face, “I swear I’m going to kill him. Rowan’s has gone over to Lorcan’s place, to see if he’s there.”

Elide knew he wouldn’t be. To leave without saying anything… he hadn’t just gone back to his place to mope.

Aelin’s phone started to ring and she pulled out out of her bag. “Hey.”

Elide couldn’t hear what was said on the other side of the phone, but Aelin’s face darkened as the seconds passed.

“All right, sounds like a plan. I love you,” Aelin said and then she sighed. “His place in completely cleared out. But that would have taken time so Rowan thinks there might be a chance that he’s still in the city.”

“Where would he go?” Elide asked.

“Rowan thinks he’ll go back to Doranelle, then go from there. He’s still got a house there or something,” Aelin was tapping on her phone screen.

Of course. Elide wanted to slap herself for being so stupid. In her shock she hadn’t even thought about his apartment in Doranelle.

“There’s a flight leaving for Doranelle in about an hour, we should be able to make it,” Aelin said, but Elide didn’t move.

“Why should I chase him, Aelin? Why…” Elide’s voice cracked on the word.

“Because you don’t deserve this Elide. And you need to tell him that, I also think I need to see him regardless,” Aelin added as she took Elide’s hand and started pulling her out the door.

“Why?” Elide asked as she closed her front door behind them.

“To castrate him.”

~~~~~

They ran into Rowan as he was checking the gates on the big electronic board.

“Gate C. Closing in 10 minutes,” he said.

The three of them all but ran towards gate C, going through customs taking longer than they expected even though they carried no baggage. There was practically no one there as the gate came into sight, telling Elide that everyone was close to being boarded. But there he was, by some grace of the gods. Handing his boarding pass to the flight attendant.

“Lorcan!”

He turned at the sound of her desperate cry, but his face was void of any kind of emotion as he looked at her, looked behind her seeing Aelin and Rowan a few steps behind.

He stepped out of the line. “You shouldn’t have come. I told you to let me go.”

“You can’t do this Lorcan, you can’t.” Tears fell from Elide’s eyes, she couldn’t help it. His once kind face was so foreign to her, her heart was cracking more with each passing second she looked at him.

“My flight it about to leave,” Lorcan said and turned away from her.

“I’m pregnant,” Elide said rushing a few steps forward and catching his arm. “Lorcan, I’m pregnant.”

Lorcan stilled, then so slowly he turned back around to her. Something shuttered in his eyes then he said, “You should get rid of it. You don’t need that in your life, Elide.”

Elide was stunned. She couldn’t move as Lorcan twisted his arm out of the grip of her hand and he turned away again. Behind her she could hear Aelin raging.

“I’ll kill him, I’ll tear him to pieces!” The fact that she hadn’t meant Rowan was most likely physically restraining her from murdering a man in the airport.

The man that Elide had loved to fiercely with every part of her heart.

Lorcan was handing his boarding pass over again, the action of it drawing Elide forward as it beeped and he walked beyond the desk. Elide felt her knees give out and she crumpled to the carpeted floor. Aelin was beside her a moment later hugging her tightly. Elide didn’t hear the words Aelin was saying to her, she didn’t hear the noise of the busy airport around them. All she heard was the deafening silence of her broken heart.


	3. ENDING ONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t decide how to end this so I wrote three. They vary in their angstiness, please follow the advice of the blurbs. The next two follow after this, feel free to skip ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst rating: Very High. Major character death, would not recommend reading first thing in the morning.

It had been almost three years since Lorcan had stepped foot in Orynth. And now that he was here he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t talked to anyone in all in all that time. As he killed time here on a 12 hour layover it had him thinking about the people he left behind. He still had some of the numbers in his phone, Rowan’s, Vaughan’s maybe even Fenrys’s if he hadn’t changed it like he was prone to do. Maybe he should see if they still worked.

But his hands remained in his pockets as he walked along the river. He wasn’t here long, it would be pointless to try and remake the connections he had severed with such finality. The sound of people made him look up, there was a small beach crowded with people on this warm day. He didn’t pay them much mind as he started to walk through the crowd until he spotted a head of silver hair ahead of him on the path.

Lorcan stopped, contemplating what he should do. He could turn around, walk away like he had never seen Rowan ahead of him. But… Maybe this was a sign, maybe a nudge in the right direction. So he kept walking right for where Rowan was standing. As he got closer a small figure ran to him coming off the sand onto the path and slammed into his legs. Rowan looked down and smiled as he gently put a hand on the child’s hat covered head. By now Lorcan was close enough to draw Rowan’s attention if he called out to him, which he was about to do but then Rowan turned.

Shock was written all over his face, then his face turned hard. And cold.

Lorcan understood why, a wiser man would have turned away, turned around and walked in the other direction. But there was something Lorcan wanted to know, someone he wanted to ask about. So Lorcan kept walking.

“Hey,” Lorcan said but Rowan didn’t respond, he just glanced down at the kid who still help onto his legs. Lorcan decided that that might be a good icebreaker. “Congratulations, man.”

Still Rowan was silent, just glaring, but the child turned to him and Lorcan almost fell to his knees. The boy looked up at him with wide onyx eyes, the hair peeking from beneath his hat was the same shade as Lorcan’s. This was not Rowan’s son. It was his.

“Uncle Rowan, who’s that?” The boy asked, looking up at Rowan.

“Just someone I used to know,” Rowan said to the boy, is voice kind. But then Rowan looked back at Lorcan, all kindness gone from his face. “You should go.”

“But that’s —“

“You,” Rowan cut him off before he could utter the word, “should go.”

“Korbin, you made me carry your backpack. That’s not very nice.”

The sound of that voice made Lorcan’s blood run cold.

Turning to his left saw Aelin walking towards them, one hand holding a bag and a a tiny backpack the other rested on the small of her back to steady her while walking. Because she was pregnant. When she realised it was him the bags dropped from her hand.

“You,” she hissed and put herself between him and Rowan. “You’ve got some nerve.”

She was raging, Lorcan had never seen her this angry. Rowan appeared beside her, putting a gentle had on her shoulder.

“Aelin,” he said softly, no doubt trying to calm her down.

Aelin shrugged him off, then said without taking her eyes off Lorcan, “Take Korbin to get ice cream.”

She didn’t wait to see if Rowan listened before she was shoving Lorcan by his shoulder to turn him around. She walked by him and gave him a look that said if he didn’t start following him he’d be murdered. Slowly and painfully. Needing answers Lorcan followed.

“What are you doing here?” Aelin bit out, not looking at Lorcan as they walked.

“Long layover,” Lorcan said and Aelin snorted.

“Of course. I don’t know why I thought you’d come back here by choice,” Aelin’s voice was bitter and so angry.

“That’s my son,” Lorcan said. “That’s my son… but I told her…”

Aelin stopped short.

“I know what you told Elide. I was there. Did you really think she would after she loved you so godsdamn much?” Aelin’s voice broke, Lorcan could see tears building gin her eyes.

He’d never in all the time he’s know her seen Aelin Galathynius cry. It had something sinking in his chest.

“Where is she?” Lorcan said, he hadn’t uttered her name aloud in years. “Where’s Elide.”

Aelin wiped the tears away that fell onto her cheeks. “She’s, she’s gone Lorcan.”

Lorcan’s world went quiet. “How?”

“Undiagnosed pre-eclampsia,” Aelin said quietly. “They didn’t realise until it was too late.”

“I…” Lorcan felt his knees go weak. He felt as if he might crumple to the ground. “He’s… my son.”

“I’d argue that,” Aelin said, the hardness returning. “He’s more my son that he is yours. Me and Rowan, we have raised him like he’s ours. Korbin is ours. Your name isn’t even on his birth certificate. Any thoughts of grandeur you have about coming and trying to be a father to him, that’s not happening. I will fight you every step of the way. You will not disrespect Elide’s last wish.”

The words hit Lorcan like bullets, each one hitting its mark.

“Goodbye, Lorcan. Don’t come back,” Aelin said and started to walk away.

“Where is she?” Lorcan asked so quietly he thought Aelin hadn’t heard him. But she turned back gave him a sad look.

“Next to her parents,” was all Aelin said then she was gone.

Lorcan lost track of how long he stood there, people milling around him going on with their lives while his fell apart.

~~~~~

Lorcan had hired a car and driven out to Perranth. On the passenger seat there was a bouquet of peonies. They had been Elide’s favourite, she loved how fluffy they were. The drive had been silent, the only sound was the road beneath the wheels. Lorcan pulled up to the cemetery, he knew exactly where Elide would be. He had come with her countless times to visit the graves of her parents. He had stood by her as the cried and spoke to them and placed flowers on their graves.

Now Lorcan would do the same for her.

Lorcan walked the paths, still in silence. He felt his grief building like a wave, churning and cresting. He knew it would break soon. Cal and Marion’s graved passed him and there he saw it, Elide’s name etched into a white marble plaque.

Elide Lochan - Beloved daughter, friend and mother.

It was the last word that had Lorcan falling to his knees, his grief breaking and washing over him. He touched the headstone, the cold of the marble biting into his skin, tears fell and he let them not caring if anyone happened upon him. For many long moments he just knelt there as he grieved for the woman he had lost, the life he might have had, the life he had ruined.

“I was wrong, I was so godsdamned wrong,” Lorcan let out a broken sob. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Elide. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything.”

The words were not enough, if he spoke his regrets and apologies every moment of every day for 500 years it would never be enough. So Lorcan placed the bouquet against the headstone and stood. He took one last lingering look at where the love of his life lay then walked away.

He would drive to the airport in Orynth and board his plane and leave Terrasen. Lorcan would not be coming back.


	4. ENDING TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst rating: Medium - low. Lacks clear resolution and a lot of yelling.

Lorcan was a coward and he knew it.

He’d been away from Orynth for just a little over a year. He hadn’t spoken to anyone in that time. At first they had contacted him, calling, texts, but then he’d changed his number and that had put a stop to that.

Now he was at the front step of Fenrys’ house raising his hand to knock on the door. He’d chosen Fenrys because he was the least likely to maim him in some way for showing up unexpectedly. Last time he’d seen Aelin she had been ready to tear him to pieces, he assumed Rowan felt the same, so we would definitely not be going there. Gods knew Lorcan deserved it. The way he had left things with Elide, the things he had said. It was what needed to be done but that didn’t mean he wasn’t ashamed of it. He would have been the ruination of Elide.

Lorcan knocked, feeling the reverberations of the sound in his chest. He could leave now, before Fenrys knew he was here. He could run back to Doranelle and no one would know he’d come to Orynth at all. But too soon Fenrys opened the door, smiling until he registered who was on his doorstep.

“Mother’s tits,” Fenrys said. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” Lorcan asked.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Fenrys said.

That’s when Lorcan heard the sound of laughter and conversation. If Fenrys was having a party that most likely meant everyone was here. Fenrys watched as Lorcan connected to dots.

“Come back later, yeah?” Fenrys urged.

Lorcan nodded but then a sound caught his attention, a sound that haunted his dreams. Elide was here and she was laughing. Fenrys pushed him out the door and then closed it behind him. Unable to stop himself Lorcan looked through the small, thin window that ran up the side of the door. Elide came into view, beautiful as ever. But what stopped him was what she carried in her arms. A small dark haired baby, she smiled and talked to it, then she slowly and carefully walked up the stairs.

“Is that… mine?” Lorcan breathed as he looked over at Fenrys. His face was unreadable.

“I’m not the one to answer that,” Fenrys replied.

That meant yes. No would be the easy answer, one he could say without implications.

“Go, Lorcan,” Fenrys said again. “Go and I’ll tell her you dropped by. But you should leave. Now.”

Something snapped in Lorcan. He needed to know, needed to hear it from Elide’s own lips, if she had had his baby. Their baby.

“I’m not going,” Lorcan said.

Fenrys gave a long suffering sigh. “Alright. But don’t blame me for anything that happens next.” Fenrys opened his door and let Lorcan in after him. He led him to the kitchen and dining areas where people were hanging out. “Look who’s here everyone.”

The ‘everyone’ turned and within two heartbeats the room was silent. It was Aelin who spoke first.

“Get. Out.” Then she was standing and storming towards him but Rowan caught her arm. They looked at each other for a moment, conveying gods knew what without actually saying anything. But then Aelin was retreating to Rowan’s side.

“Nice of you to join us,” Manon crooned, sarcasm dripping from every word. Manon was just as much of an equal threat as Aelin, if a bit more because she didn’t have someone like Rowan to rein her in. “Just a little late.”

“Just a year or so,” Vaughan added.

Lorcan knew he had no friends in this room, didn’t expect to have any. Maybe he should have taken Fenrys’ advice after all.

“Maybe we should wait this out in the living room?” Fenrys suggested. “That way we can all glare at the dumbass in comfort?”

Fenrys was right, just about everyone was glaring at him. Lorcan just turned his back and walked to the living room, glad of the excuse to be out of there. He hoped no one would follow but he wasn’t that lucky. They all followed and sat on the chairs. They mostly whispered between themselves, about what Lorcan couldn’t hear or didn’t bother to register, because his mind was a hurricane of thoughts and emotions. The exception was Aelin, who sat next to Rowan, his arm draped around her shoulders. She glared at him the entire time.

10 minutes passed, then 15, it was around 20 minutes that he heard footsteps on the staircase. A collective breath was held as Elide came into view, brushing her hair away from her face.

“Finally got him to sleep,” she said, a little exasperated. “Why’d the party stop.”

Elide’s voice faltered as her eyes landed on Lorcan. There was a moment of utter shock and then that beautiful face changed into utter fury. Lorcan stood as Elide approached him.

“Elide I —“

Lorcan’s words were broken off by the slap to his face, the sound of it ringing in the silent room.

“How dare you.” Elide hissed at him. “How dare you step foot in the city and show you’re face here.”

“I —“

“You don’t get to speak, not after the stunt you pulled at the airport.” Lorcan had never seen Elide this angry.

“Is that baby mine?” Lorcan managed to get out while Elide caught her breath.

“He is my child,” Elide said her hand pressing into her chest. “He is mine. He is mine and no one else’s. You’re ejaculation means nothing.”

There was a snort from somewhere in the room. Lorcan assumed it was Fenrys.

“Elide can I just —,” Lorcan started but he was cut off again.

“Outside, now.” Elide turned and walked out, not turning back to see if he followed.

“Well, out you go,” Manon drawled.

Lorcan followed Elide, Aelin was still glaring at him as he passed.

~~~~~

By the time Lorcan followed her outside Elide was pacing on the grass as far as she could get from the house. After spending 20 minutes rocking her son to sleep she wasn’t going to risk waking him if her temper burst.

Lorcan. He was here.

Of all the things she could dream of waiting for her downstairs it wasn’t him. She had spent the last 14 months hating him, cursing him, but also wishing he was there with her. It was a bitter irony that after all he did there was still a part of her that loved him. A small, broken piece of her heart had never healed. Lorcan stood there watching her pace, no doubt waiting for her to say something. Elide stopped pacing but she didn’t look at him. Couldn’t bring herself to look at his stupid handsome face just yet.

“What are you doing here?” Elide bit out.

“What’s his name?” Lorcan asked. “Is it Korbin?”

“Yes,” Elide said. “Answer my question.”

Lorcan cleared his throat. “I… um… I wanted to come back.”

Elide wasn’t going to let up. “Why?”

“Because I realised the mistake I had made,” Lorcan said quietly.

“No, shit Lorcan.”

“I was seeing someone when I was in Doranelle,” Lorcan said as he slipped his hands into his pockets, one of his nervous gestures.

Elide scoffed. “Am I supposed to congratulate you for that?”

“I mean I was seeing a therapist,” Lorcan explained. “I’ve been working through things, realising how what I did was wrong. In so many ways. What I did to you, Elide, that was unforgivable.”

“I haven’t forgiven you,” Elide said quietly.

“I didn’t expect you to,” Lorcan replied.

“Then why did you come back?” Elide asked again.

“To apologise.” Lorcan took a single stepped towards her, Elide stood her ground. “Why did you… why did you not…”

Elide know what he was stammering about. The last thong he had said to her before he handed the air hostess his boarding pass. Sometimes it still haunted her nightmares his cold face, his even colder words.

“Because I loved him and I loved you,” Elide said simply.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Lorcan said, his voice sad.

“What do you want now?” Elide pressed as she ignored Lorcan’s rising emotions.

“I want to say that I am sorry for the pain that I caused you. I was wrong, and I was so lost in my own head I wasn’t thinking about you.”

“That doesn’t give you a right to walk back into my life, into our lives,” Elide’s temper was rising again. “Gods, every other man in that house has been more of a father to Korbin that you have, granted that’s not especially hard. But then you turn up here at my house —“

“You’re house? This is Fenrys’ place,” Lorcan said, so confused.

“I couldn’t very well live on my own after the way you left me. Fenrys was kind enough offer his home to us,” Elide said.

“Are you two… have you…” Lorcan couldn’t finish the sentence and Elide relished in his discomfort. She didn’t answer him for a few moments just to see him squirm.

“Not that its any of your business, but no. Entirely platonic.”

Lorcan blew out a long breath.

“But regardless of anything that’s gone on here in the past 14 months, or anything that you’ve done it that time. It doesn’t give you the right to waltz back into our lives like nothing has happened. Especially Korbin’s. I won’t risk it,” Elide said with finality she hadn’t realised she meant until now.

“I know, I didn’t expect it to,” Lorcan said. “But, if you’re willing, I would like a second chance. If you say no I will walk away now and not come back, ever, if thats what you want me to do.”

Finally Elide looked at him, really looked at him. The kindness was there in his face, the kindness she had seen everyday he was with her before he left. Mostly only for her.

“Please Elide, if you can,” Lorcan said, braving yet another step. “Let me show you how I’ve changed. I don’t expect us to go back to what we were, I don’t even expect you to forgive.”

“Was this always the plan, or have you been planning this pretty speech since you saw Korbin? Why did you come here?” Elide said and she watched him, watched him for any tell that would convey his deception.

“This was always my plan. I was a coward and decided I would come here yo Fenrys’ first to see how everything was. How you were. Really I should have gone to you first, but I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” Elide asked.

“Elide you are one of the most terrifying people I know,” Lorcan said and one of the corners of his mouth quirked up.

Elide crossed her arms, “That’s fair.” Elide thought for a moment. “You really broke me Lorcan.” He wisely stayed silent. “If I give you this chance, it doesn’t mean you get to walk into Korbin’s life.”

“I would never expect that, he’s your priority. I won’t even looked at him until you tell me to,” Lorcan promised.

“Once chance, that’s all you get,” Elide fixed him with a hard stare. “You mess it up and you’re gone.”

“Thank you,” Lorcan said, utterly relieved. “You were the best thing to ever happen to me, Elide. I’m sorry I did’t see it sooner.”

Elide nodded and went back inside, not wanting to dwell on the words he had spoken just then. She was praying he wouldn’t be stupid enough to mess this up again, so that maybe the last piece of her broken heart might have time to heal.


	5. ENDING THREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst rating: Low. We get a tiny bit of fluff.

There was an incessant knocking on his door that woke Lorcan from his sleep on the couch. He flung the door open ready to lash out at whoever it was. But his words died when he saw Aelin Galathynius standing in his doorway.

“Well, you’ve looked better,” she said as she stepped in without invitation. Aelin walked around, a look of distain on her face, she even dragged her finger across a book shelf to check for lingering dusk. When it no doubt came back dirty she frowned. Lorcan hadn’t seen Aelin since that day at the airport when he walked away from everything. That had been over 7 months ago.

He continued to stand by the door ready to let her out again, arms crossed over his chest. Lorcan was surprised she hadn’t murdered him by now.

“What are you doing here?” Lorcan growled.

Aelin stopped inspecting his apartment to look at him. “Elide is due in about two weeks.”

“Due for what?” Lorcan asked, confused.

“Due to have the baby, you idiot,” Aelin snapped.

Lorcan felt the colour drain from his face. The baby.

“I told her to…” Lorcan couldn’t finish the sentence.

Aelin let out a bitter laugh. “We know what you said Lorcan. Elide didn’t listen to your sage advice,” Aelin tone told him that she thought is was anything but that. “I was there to help her. Through everything,” Aelin said pinning him with a stare that told him she would very much like to burn him to ash where he stood.

“Why did you fly all this way to tell me this?” Lorcan snapped as shame began to fill his chest.

“Don’t flatter yourself Lorcan, I didn’t come all the way to Doranelle just to see you,” Aelin said. “I was here for work and thought I would drop by.”

“You have, so you can leave now,” Lorcan said reaching for the door.

“What about that little tidbit I told you? Just going to ignore that, or wait until I leave to be sick? You look as if you’re about to hurl your guts up” Aelin drawled.

Lorcan had no words. Because Aelin was right, if he opened his mouth to say something he might throw up. He didn’t really know if he had really thought Elide would get rid of it. In the darkness he lived in he assumed she had, just to be rid of the last piece of him. He had been mistaken and Lorcan felt the foundations of his world fall out from under him.

“There is nothing more I would like to do that throw you out this window behind me but instead I’m giving you one chance to be a decent human being.” Without breaking Lorcan’s gaze Aelin reached into her bag and pulled out a slip of paper, it look suspiciously like a plan ticket. “Use this and get your arse back to Terrasen. I’m being gracious by letting you choose the date but I would recommend that you use it sooner rather than later.”

“What you don’t realise is that I would come back for is no longer a possibility,” Lorcan said finally.

There was a hint of a smile on Aelin’s lips, “Believe me Lorcan, it is.”

“How? Why?” Lorcan got out, is voice choking.

“I’m not sure, after you completely and utterly broke her heart. I think it’s the hormones,” Aelin said and then she turned and put the ticket on the kitchen bench. “I am tired from the displeasure of your company so I’m leaving.”

Aelin went to the front door of the apartment which she opened herself, she was about to close it when she let out a heavy sigh and she turned her turquoise eyes on him.

“Don’t disappoint me Lorcan, for Elide’s sake.” Then she was gone.

~~~~~

It had been about a week since Aelin’s unexpected visit and the plane ticket still sat on the bench where she had left it. Lorcan hadn’t touched it, it hadn’t looked at it. He pretended it wasn’t there while he thought over what Aelin had said. Elide was having their baby, and soon. Aelin had implied that Elide may still love him, somehow. He still loved her, ached to see her face, hear her voice. Maybe he should take the chance.

Finally Lorcan went to the kitchen bench and picked up the ticket. On the back there was a post it note.

I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T USE THIS OF YOUR OWN FREE WILL I FIND YOU AND DRAG YOU BY THE COLLAR TO TERRASEN MYSELF YOU SON OF A

Aelin had run out of paper before she could finish her insult. Lorcan almost smirked at the note, because she would. Aelin would physically drag him there then probably kick his arse for good measure. He dropped the ticket back on the bench and went to his bedroom and packed a bag. Then he grabbed the ticket, slammed the post it on the bench, then he walked out his front door.

~~~~~

As soon as he was off the plane Lorcan called Aelin. Over and over, but she didn’t pick up. Then he decided to call Rowan, hoping he hadn’t changed his number in the time that Lorcan had been gone.

Rowan picked up. “Hello.”

“Rowan…”

Rowan swore. “Lorcan?”

“Yeah it’s me,” Lorcan said.

“You used the ticket, didn’t you? You’re here,” Rowan said.

“Yes. I tried calling Aelin, but she didn’t answer,” Lorcan explained.

Rowan let out a humourless laugh, “She’s with Elide in the hospital. Your timing is impeccable.”

“In the hospital? Is she alright?” Lorcan said, he stopped walking not caring the congestion he caused.

“She’s having the baby,” Rowan said.

“Where?” Lorcan breathed, shouldering his bag has he took off at a brisk walk, trying desperately not to knock into people.

“Orynth General, I’m in the waiting room.”

After that Lorcan hung up without saying goodbye, all his focus going into getting through the crowd and to a taxi to get him to the hospital. The whole procedure took too long for his liking, there were no taxis waiting, there was enough traffic that it set his teeth on edge, the card payment wasn’t working so Lorcan just ended but throwing twice the amount the drive was worth at the driver and not waiting for the change. Then he was running through the automatic doors of the main entrance of the hospital. Rowan saw him as he burst in and stood. Lorcan wasted no more time and went up to him.

“What’s going on?” Lorcan demanded.

“I don’t know,” Rowan said. “I haven’t heard anything. I texted Aelin. Told her you were coming.”

Summoned like the demon she was, Aelin came through another set of doors.

“Lorcan Salvaterre your timing is out of this world,” Aelin said, hands braced on her hips. “She wants to see you.”

With that, Aelin turned around and started to walk away. Lorcan dumped his bag with Rowan and followed. Aelin lead him to the maternity ward then through it to another set of doors that read delivery suits above them. Lorcan began to sweat and he slowed down, stopping at a door that said Room A. Aelin sensed his hesitation and whirled on him.

“This isn’t about you Lorcan, this is about Elide. I told her you were coming and she wanted to see you. If that changes at any point and you don’t do as she says I will make good on my thousands of promises to maim you.”

Lorcan only nodded, Aelin nodded right back and pushed that door open, Lorcan followed a few steps behind.

Elide stood with her arms braced on the mattress of the bed, wearing a loose black dress that stopped just above her knees, her was hair pulled back in a messy braid. Aelin didn’t bother with Lorcan any further and went to Elide’s side.

“How’s it going?” Aelin asked

Elide groaned, but didn’t say anything else. Aelin rubbed her back in soothing motions.

“I brought in your… guest,” Aelin murmured and Elide’s head snapped over to him, he couldn’t read her expression. He couldn’t tell if she was pleased or not.

“You,” she hissed. Not happy then.

Then Elide groaned again and Aelin took her hand. The sound Elide made was purely primal and Lorcan could only assume she was going through a contraction. Aelin held onto Elide’s hand, not flinching as Elide’s grip turned tighter and tighter. When the contraction ended Elide was panting. It took a few moments but once her breathing evened out she looked at Lorcan again.

“Help me walk,” she all but commanded and Lorcan obeyed, walking over to her and offering her his arm. Elide ended up between the two of them, her back to his chest.

“Why,” Elide breathed, “are you here?”

She didn’t look at him, all her focus going into the steps she was talking.

“Because I was wrong,” Lorcan said simply.

“No kidding,” Elide bit back, voice dripping with a venom he had never heard from her before. At least not directed at him.

“And I’m sorry,” Lorcan’s words were quiet.

It was then Elide looked up at him, those dark eyes searching his own. Then her body tensed and she cried out. Lorcan felt her weight starting to give out but Lorcan used his own strength to keep her up.

“Ugh, I hate you,” Elides gasped. “I hate you I hate you I hate you.”

Lorcan didn’t know what else to do or what to say so he just held her until the contraction had passed. He helped her gain her feet again and they started walking.

“This is all your fault, you and your stupid manly urges. Why didn’t you just fix something or cook outdoors.”

“Are you quoting Mulan at me right now?” Lorcan asked, trying desperately not to laugh.

“There’s a baby trying to rip its way out of my body, I can quote whatever I like.” By the end of her sentence Elide was breathing hard. “The bed, I need to rest.”

Lorcan led Elide over to the bed, she didn’t get up on it but was leaning on it like she had been when Lorcan came in.

“Did you want to come back?” Elide asked softly. Her eyes were closed as she rested her weight on her elbows.

“I’ve wanted to come back for months,” Lorcan said with equal softness.

“Then why didn’t you?”

“You’re better off without me,” Lorcan answered.

Elide started taking in deep breathes. “I’m starting to think you’re right about that.” Lorcan could only watch as Elide went through another contraction, her face contorting it pain. “I hate you. Get out. I can’t stand you being near me.”

Lorcan wasn’t about to risk the wrath of both Elide and Aelin so he moved to walk away, but Elide’s hand shot out and fisted in his shirt.

“You stupid bastard, don’t leave me,” Elide groaned at him.

Lorcan wasn’t about to comment on her contradictory comments. He was sure he’d wouldn’t leave this room intact if he did.

“I’m a long way from forgiving you Lorcan, so me inviting you in here doesn’t absolve you of anything. I just,” Elide’s voice broke. She was crying he could see the tears dropping onto the blanket. “I haven’t stopped loving you. You shattered me but I could never stop loving you. I don’t know what to do.”

Elide let out a strangled noise, it seemed this contraction had taken her by surprise.

“Gods, I hate you. I hate you and your kind, I never want to see a dick again,” Elide was groaning so loud it was bordering on a scream. When she came to a panting stop she added, “Especally yours.”

“Those were really close together El, I’m gonna call the midwife,” Aelin said and pushed a button near the bed while Elide nodded.

“Elide, I…”

“Please just go now Lorcan, I mean it this time,” Elide said, her tears still falling.

Lorcan did as she asked and walked out of the delivery room, all the way back to the waiting room. He sat down next to Rowan, Lorcan leaning forward bracing his elbows on his knees. Rowan didn’t say a word and neither did Lorcan, he didn’t have anything to say. All Lorcan could think about was how he could possibly atone for his overwhelming selfishness and stupidity.

~~~~~

For the first time in 9 months Elide’s world was quiet, for the first time in 9 months she was at peace. Her beautiful son was swaddled in her in her arms, blessedly asleep. Aelin had left them a little while ago, her face just as blotchy and tear stained as Elide knew hers had been. She knew this quietness would be fleeting, soon her world would be in turmoil once again. A whirlwind of crying and nappies and pain, but for now she felt only peace.

Even when she thought about Lorcan that burning rage that had consumed her these past months didn’t burn as bright. Those were thoughts for later, when her priority wasn’t so much focused on the baby in her arms. There would be time for them to talk and for Lorcan to prove to her that he changed. Whether or not they would become what they had been, she didn’t know. Her entire world had shifted.

Elide picked up her phone that was beside her and sent Aelin a one word text, then dropped it back on the bed and waited. She knew the sounds of his footsteps, she used to hear them every evening when he would come home on the old wood floors in their little apartment. Lorcan appeared in the doorway of her room, somehow looking small, diminished, but a look of sheer wonder on his face. He didn’t say anything and he walked into the room and literally fell to his knees beside her bed.

“Elide, forgive me, please. I’ll do anything you ask of me to prove that I am not the man I was. One chance is all I’m asking for,” Lorcan pleaded, his eyes filling with tears. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I was so wrong to let you go.”

Elide felt tears on her own cheeks. She inwardly blamed it on the hormones. “Would you like to hold him?”

Lorcan looked at her, like he didn’t believe what she had said. Then he stood and Elide passed her son into Lorcan’s arms. He was so tiny compared to Lorcan’s immense size that it made Elide huff a laugh that she immediately regretted as her body cried out in pain.

That look of wonderment on Lorcan’s face only grew as he looked down at the baby.

“Elide, he’s so beautiful,” Lorcan whispered as he started to sway gently.

“His name is Korbin,” Elide said.

“That’s perfect. He’s perfect,” Lorcan said then he looked at Elide. “I don’t know what to say, about anything. Or do or be. I haven’t figured it out yet, and I’m sorry,” Lorcan admitted as he passed the baby back.

Elide settled Korbin in her arms, letting out a small contented sigh. And even though she was loathe to do it she drew her eyes away from her son’s perfect face to Lorcan’s grave one.

“We have time, Lorcan. We have time.”


End file.
